Miles Long Happiness

There are a lot of things that make me happy, like upbeat music, painting and drawing and books, but the one thing that makes me feel that special kind of happiness that is completely effortless is my boyfriend. Kyle is the same age as me, 18, and attends West Point Military Academy in New York. The program is grueling and makes relationships almost impossible because of the lack of communication and time. They even label the relationships of West Point Cadets and their partners as the "1% club" because only 1% of the relationships last. During the first 2 months of college, I could only write him letters. It seems like a cute Notebook/Dear John fantasy, and even though it can be romantic, it was horrible. I couldn't see his face or hear his voice to see if he was doing well or not. The letters were never really in sync with the same conversation, so we would only get the generalities of our days. Imagine 2 months of "I love you" and "This program is the hardest thing I've ever had to do" as your only conversation. Those 2 months made me ask questions like, "What am I doing in a relationship with someone I literally never see?" and "Why am I in this extremely committed relationship this young?". After the 2 months were up, I flew to New York and met up with his family to visit him because New Cadets were not allowed to leave the Academy. I had this idea in my mind that when I saw him, I would know if these 2 months were a waste of time or totally worth it. I was standing in the courtyard of the academy, talking with his father, waiting for Kyle. Then, Kyle's father lifted up his video camera and had the biggest smile on his face. I turned around in just enough time to be tackled and hugged to death by Kyle. I knew as the minutes passed, and we started warming up to being next to each other again, that everything we went through together was completely worth it. Seeing him and being around him made me realize that I was missing that amazing happiness this whole time. He is the only one that can make me smile and laugh for hours straight about the stupidest things. He says the corniest things that make you want to roll your eyes and make fun of him, but at the same time hug and kiss him. He knows when I am upset just by the look on my face or the sound of my voice and won't leave me alone until I tell him so he can fix it and make me happy again. He is my best friend through and through and I can trust him with anything. He is the first person I say "Good morning!" to and the last person I say "I love you, goodnight!" to. He's the most amazing person I have met and he makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world. Even though we have challenges to face and miles between us that doesn't help, I honestly love him so much that it doesn't matter. Those phone calls and video chats are enough for those times we are apart because of how indescribably happy he makes me. Even though it sounds like I am a love-struck, naive school girl, all of what I am saying is completely true. I fell in love with my best friend and we have been together for 1 year and 1 month. As this school semester closes, I will take the long trip back to Boca and race to see Kyle, the one person who knows me better than anyone and how to make me the happiest version of myself. 

This quote basically says it all for me if my corny summary hasn't:

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

-Dr. Seuss 

Thanksgiving Break

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It is the one day where you are supposed to eat your face off and no one will judge you when you go back up to the buffet for a 3rd or 4th serving. Honestly, I wish everyday were Thanksgiving. I don't forget, though, what the holiday is truly about, just like I don't forget that Christmas is really about celebrating the birth of 5 pound, 6 ounce, newborn baby Jesus (copyright Talladega Nights/ one of the funniest movies/ every movie by Will Ferrel is histarically funny). When I sit down at the big table with my huge family eating our mile high plates, first I think "wow we are a family of gross fatasses". Then, I remember how lucky I am to have a family that loves and watches over me. This Thanksgiving is going to be the most thankful one yet though. I have been away from my family for the longest time ever and am in a new chapter of my life. Unfortunately, they aren't 20 minutes up the road where I can drive and talk to them about my problems or questions I have. When something that good isn't available like it used to be, you really understand how lucky and blessed you were to have that time with them. Of course, I call my relatives every once in a while when we just absolutely need to talk and catch up, but it's the little things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving that I got to experience everyday for 18 years. I am thankful for my amazing chef grandma who always knows how to entertain everyone with her random screaming comments like "Did ya forget to make the bed Sal!". Yea, she says that in the middle of dinner when it is completely irrelevant for her to be worrying about her bed being made. I am thankful I have two parents that are polar opposites but understand me and relate to me in their own unique ways. I will be going home for Thanksgiving and have a huge dinner feast with my big Italian family that knows how to have a great time no matter what. During my break, I will also see my other extended family, my friends. I can't wait to drive over to my friend Sirenna's house and meet up with all my friends for a cookie party (those things get out of control, trust me). We will bake 100 different desserts and probably make a music video we will regret. Someone, like my hilarious friend Blake, will probably act out Bella giving birth, like last time, in charades (you really had to be there, it was that moment where you laugh so hard you cry). All in all, I can't wait to spend time with the people I love in Boca Raton, my home away from my new home. 

Typical Italian Sunday

My family is my crazy factor. My family is my therapy session. My family is my rock. My family is my sanity. My family is my best qualities. My family is Italian. 

The best way to describe my family is to give an explanation of a typical day with my entire family. First off, we ALWAYS meet up at my grandparents house for family nights, which is usually every Sunday at 2pm. Never, in the history of ever, have we hangout at another family members house; my grandparents house is the only one that is a neutral playing field. 

This is what I mean by neutral: there is no bickering over who is the favorite of the family that gets to host all the functions. If we host it at my house, then my mom is considered the best cook of the family and then it gets around and there is a weird, non-existent fight in the air. If we host it at my uncle's then everyone gets mad because he lives so far that there must be something really special about his family that we need to drive all the way to their house. And the insanity goes on and on. 

When we get to my grandparents house there are two things that are certain:

                            1. my mom, dad, brother and I are always 2 hours late. Never more. Never less.

2. we always prepare something to eat to bring over that day 

Once we walk in the door, you have to seriously watch out. My cousins are always running around bumping into important possessions and falling all over the place. After we make it past the traffic, it's like we stepped back in time into the 1920s. All the men are sprawled out on the couches watching the latest sports game and eating chips, pepperoni, cashews and olives. I make my way over to the women in the kitchen and start to help prepare the dinner for tonight or at least the appetizers (bear with me, it get's very very 1920s). Once we all sit down to eat at our very long dining table, to house all our family members, we eat like there is no tomorrow. Politics and religion seem to always wiggle its way into the conversation and once it gets too heated to even bear the situation, I take my latest book and head to the bedroom for quiet reading time, of course, after I help clean the table. Occasionally I can hear my grandpa scream from his comfy couch seat in front of the TV, "Die! Get me some Cuwafeee!". Before he can even finish, my grandma, Diane, screams back from the kitchen, "Do I look like your servant?! Get it yaself!". Then, in a couple hours, we have dessert and watch a movie or gossip until we are too tired to talk or until the first adult drops from being too drunk. Time to go home!

Even though this scenario sounds pretty weird at parts and something I would dislike, I really love it. These crazy people are what sends my safe, little, orderly world into chaos, which is what I need. I love when my cousins come to me with problems or when I have to breakup a fight between two little italian stallion boys. Even though we have our family drama, I know we will always be be there for each other even as the generations come and go. I hope that when I have a family of my own, we still have the same Sunday get togethers but maybe the men will cook this time around more while the women get some laid back, much deserved chill time.  

I was sitting on the bus, minding my own business, when I saw my friend reading a book. She had just finished it and I was obsessively staring at the back, from a distance, trying to read it. Of course my friend saw my book stalking and gave me the book to look it. The bus ride to our next soccer tournament was a very long one, so I began to read it. Like so many other girls, I fell in love with the book Twilight and its sequels. I hadn't even known it was going to be recreated into a movie until I saw the trailer for it on tv one day. I loved the book because even though it was slow in the beginning, it was mysterious and interesting as I kept reading. Bella, the main character, seemed a lot like me at the time: quiet, self conscious, and observant of everything around her. I loved the little things about her character like the way she would never understand or see that all the guys had a crush on her. Bella wasn't the only character that caught my interest though. Edward, the vampire that falls in love with Bella, was handsome and all knowing in a "I can read your mind" way (if only guys could do that in reality). The book was cute and very teen romancey so, as a freshman in high school, I was bound to like it. Once I saw the movie though, I was so pissed off. The setting wasn't the same as the book. The little conversations and details that I loved were cut out of the script. Even the way Bella acted wasn't the same as her character in the books. After complaining to my friends, who looked at me like I was crazy, I began to realize that the things I loved about the book were the insights into what Bella was thinking, which a director couldn't really display too well. I watched the movie again after it came out on dvd and all of the sudden couldn't stop watching it everyday. It's like my brain flipped the switch to screw with me. I started to find those little things that they put into the movie from the book as I kept watching, which made me fall in love with the movie also. The audience for the book and the movie both reached a younger, teen girl demographic that I related to at the time. Every girl wants to be swept off her feet by a handsome guy that has an edge to him, more or less. I still get those girly fantasy moments when I wish Edward went to my school and I could meet him. Then, again i wouldn't mind bumping into Jacob too! 

Random Writing from the English Major

     She looked across the room behind her shoulder. 

     Even though this was the first time she peeked over at him it wasn't the first time she thought about him. I should really stop, she thought, because if he caught her looking, he'd definitely know that he is all she thought about. It was written all over her face. Nevertheless, she won't stop because it is too damn hard. 

     There are no games with Elena. If he talks to her, she won't play hard to get or the "mysterious" girl from Twilight that is a puzzle to be figured out. She is just Elena Warnock, the girl that is shy on the surface and talks way too much about nothing around guys she likes. Not that she likes many guys. Just Haden Sultzman. 

     As she faced forward in class and watched Bridget Jones's Diary, the movie that her english teacher chose to watch and dissect, she was reminded of her ex boyfriend who was identical to the character Daniel Cleaver. Her ex Connor was one of the funniest guys she knew and he knew it too. He was tall and lanky and just smack in the middle between ugly and handsome. He definitely wasn't a guy well liked by girls because of his tendency to make rude jokes about them, but Elena saw something behind all those jokes before somehow. She saw that he was caring and nice when you got to know him one on one and that's what attracted her to him. 

     Connor hadn't been oblivious to her either, he basically stalked her. Every time she got out of class he was right there, walking her to the next one or holding her books. She couldn't shake him physically or mentally. Eventually she said yes to a date and then to being his girlfriend. She really did like Connor but there was always something that bothered her: he was a comedic bully. Connor had the ability to be insanely funny but sometimes he took it too far and Elena hated it when people were bullied. Even though her nature was to be shy and never give her two cents, when it came to someone being treated unfairly, she was the first to stand up and say something. Connor and Elena fought about this side of him hundreds of times but he never seemed to change his attitude so she pulled the plug. She just couldn't be with someone who was a complete asshole to others and wouldn't apologize.

     As the movie ended, she snapped out of her train of thought and tried very hard not to turn around. Of course it didn't work. She would allow herself to glance over one more time. She was usually very good at hiding her feelings from others, except when it came to Haden. She peeked over at Haden and as soon as she did his eyes fell on her and it was as if he could see into her soul, as cliche as that sounds. She was caught in Haden's deep blue green eyes when the teacher screamed her name.

   "Elena!"

   She whipped around, eyes wide at her teacher like she'd just been caught doing something shameful.

   "I asked you what Daniel Cleaver's characteristics in the film were in relation to the other male characters.", Ms. Wilkinson said in an annoyed tone.

   "Well... he...", stuttered Elena. Her mind went blank because A, she had the spotlight on her, and B, because she couldn't really answer that question in front of everyone the way she had already moments before in her head.

   "He's me in the future!", shouted out an obnoxious guy in the background. Of course it was Connor, of all people. 

   Everyone started laughing in the class but Elena. She was tired of his jokes that didn't seem to make her smile anymore. What was funny about him wanting to be an annoying prick?

   "I think he's a smug ass that treats people like shit and thinks he can get away with it because he thinks he is above everyone.", said Haden in the middle of all the laugher. Everyone fell silent and looked from Haden to Connor. 

     Did Haden just say that in reference to Connor? Why?

     Just as Connor was about to say something, that probably would make fun of Haden in front of everyone, the bell rang. Elena gathered her things and was heading out the door quickly when Haden stepped in front of her. 

     "Hey. Is it ok that I basically said what you were thinking just now?", asked Haden in a charming, pure voice that made Elena unable to comprehend anything around her, even Connor who was glaring at Haden from where he was standing. 

     "Um... how did you know?" Elena asked half laughing, half being completely serious.

     "Oh, I read minds." Haden said matter of factly.

     Elena's eyes went wide like a dear in headlights.

     Oh god, he better not be a vampire. I can't take anymore of that Twilight drama.

     "Elena.. I was just kidding." Haden said jokingly. "I don't need to read your mind to see what you're thinking." 

     Elena went red from head to toe. 

     Did he know how I felt about him? I only allowed myself to look over twice! People look at people around the room all the time, he couldn't know. I guess I didn't take into account the way I look at him... I have to watch out for that.

     "Oh... yea I know." Elena sighed. "It's a curse, makes me really bad at the card game Bullshit. Guess I am a bad poker buddy!", she said as she laughed awkwardly. 

     Why on earth did I say any of that!? He doesn't care about card games right now!

     Haden just looked at her and smiled like there was something funny he was keeping a secret.

    "Hey smartass.", said Connor curtly as he walked up next to Elena and stood next to her so their bodies were touching. Elena rolled her eyes.

     Why does he have to be so alpha male even when we aren't dating? 

     "Bye Daniel.", Haden said politely. "See ya later Elena, and I don't like Bullshit anyway.", he said with a glimmer in his eye. Then he walked away casually like every other day. 

     Elena just stared after him surprised because she knew exactly what his undertone was saying. 

    As Elena started walking to her next class, all she could concentrate on was Haden's beautiful deep blue green eyes that could see her better than anyone, and not Connor, who was apparently walking next to her making fun of Haden in every way possible. 

Consumerism the Con Artist

Consumerism is like a bad gossip. It searches for its next topic or the latest "cool" news and latches on to it. It bleeds it dry by encouraging people to believe its stories and advice. When the topic is no longer an interest, it's on to the next best or more popular thing. Consumerism is very in the moment; one minute men are simple creatures that don't have to do much to look hot, next they need more product or finer clothes for them to be superior and sexy. For men, consumerism tried to create a complete new market and concept to make more money: the metrosexual man. Metrosexual men are men who take good care of themselves and aren't afraid to buy many products for fear of being "gay". Consumerism bled women dry using their insecurities to sell products, why not switch to men? 

Consumerism uses gender and manipulates it to feed the market and shake things up. Women are portrayed as creatures that can always be worked on or molded; it's never enough. The market loves this! They invented it! These new insecurities ensure these women will come back time and time again for their "necessary" products. Consumerism sat there on its high thrown and saw the women emptying their wallets while men huddled in the corner playing cards and video games. What did consumerism decide to do about that? It spread a rumor that men were "allowed" to buy clothes and products and not be labeled as "gay". It generously crossed the "female" ideas on shopping toward the men in a way that was deemed acceptable. This hybrid made materialism universal, also. No longer are just women labeled as materialistic and needy. Men can now be obsessed with their latest gel or finest suits. The gap was filled between materialistic woman and simple men but slowly it is beginning to separate again. In current times, men are reverting back to the simplicity of being hot. Consumerism got its fill for a while of the men's insecurities, I guess it's time for them to move on and latch on to their new hot topic to gossip about.

50 Shades of Research

I'm doing something risky with my first college research paper: centering my thesis on the best selling erotica novel Fifty Shades of Grey. Go big or go home, right? I am not ashamed to say I have read and re read the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and actually enjoyed it. What I just started asking myself, though, is why do I enjoy a book that has violence toward another person in it? Why do I read about a man who controls everything his "submissive" does? I would never allow a man to take control of what I eat, who I see, where I go or what I wear, etc. Why, then, do I enjoy reading about a man, who is in all actuality, being a complete dick to an innocent girl? The woman in the novel is not the greatest representative for women too. She allows this man to take control of her life and barely expresses how she feels or takes action against some issues she has with the "god-like" man. Women have made such big advances towards being productive and important members of society with a loud voice. So why then do they read about a woman undoing all the gains that have been made for women over the years? These are the questions I am going to ask and answer while I write my research paper. My research paper is not going to be about the crazy sexual toys the characters use or the insane passionate sex they have in an elevator. I want to understand the psyche of the readers and society today that made this trilogy a best seller. 

To ensure I wasn't insane for choosing this topic, I took the idea to my professor and presented my ideas and where I wanted to take the paper. The feedback gave me the prefect encouragement to really take this topic as far as I wanted to. This topic has so many gender issues and subject matters in it that i really feel the research paper can write itself. I am so excited to divulge into the mind of the reader, also myself, that the paper length is not intimidating in the least. Watch out wives, mothers, and daughters because you all are about to get your mind probed and blown!